Adventures with Kidney Stones

Story time. It's about my crap day. Read if you're interested.


I woke up this morning actually feeling well-rested for the first time in weeks. I had splurged on the air-conditioning, I remembered to close the window to prevent mosquitoes from jumping into bed with me, and for once, Gilbert and Darcy didn't feel the need to have a 5 a.m. battle on my head.

I felt ready and willing for work today. I had been a little cranky with the children yesterday, so I was prepared to make it up to them with encouraging smiles and fun games!

As I began walking to work, I noticed an irritating cramp in my left side. I figured I was dehydrated, so I stopped, took the water bottle out of my backpack, and drank. As I continued walking, I noted that the water hadn't really helped. At all. ...Actually, the pain was getting worse.

I was about 15 minutes through my 25-minute walk to school when I had to stop. I sat on a low wall on the side of the road and wondered if I was sick. The pain in my side wasn't that bad, but I was suddenly dizzy and a little nauseous.  But, I had failed to eat breakfast that morning, and it was extremely hot (as usual) this morning, so I figured I just needed to get to school and eat.

I walked as quickly as I could, and was hot and sweaty when I arrived in the teachers room. I promptly turned on the aircon and fans, and pulled my cereal out of my bag. I was annoyed to find that no matter how I sat, the cramp in my side hurt me. There was no getting comfortable, no matter what I did.

I had one hour before my first class, and I honestly don't know what I did. I guess I just sat there and thought about the pain. I didn't really eat the cereal, as it wasn't helping and I didn't even feel hunger because that stupid cramp was distracting me from everything else.

Ten minutes before my class I realized I hadn't made copies of the assignment for the students yet. I stood up to walk to the copy room and had a wave of nausea. Great, I thought. I probably have food poisoning. I knew those sausages I ate last night were expired. I figured I would just try to get through the day, and then I could sleep all afternoon.

My class did not go well. Since it's school vacation, there are only a few students who come to school for the summer English class. It was five minutes into my class when I realized I'd just been sitting there spacing out while the students chatted and played with their phones. The pain was getting stronger, definitely.

I started the class with the usual warm-up questions. Students pull a question out of the bag, and everyone must go around the circle and answer it in English. I can't recall what any of the questions were today, as I was only thinking about the cramp on my side - which was no longer a cramp. It now felt like some unseen force was stabbing me.

I rushed through the last of the questions. The students looked at me expectantly. I was feeling very hot now. And very nauseous. And I wanted the ghost to stop stabbing me in the side. Not knowing what else to do, I tossed Appletters at the students, mumbled something about feeling sick, and walked out of the room. As I headed towards the bathroom, a student called after me, "Teachaa  you okay?" "Nope," I answered.

I went to the bathroom. Threw up for five minutes. Went back to class. The students said I looked very sick.  They continued to play their game, and I waited for the Korean-teacher-who-speaks-English's class to end. I suppose it was actually 30 minutes those poor students were playing that stupid apple game. And I just sat there like a horrible teacher, unable to think about anything other than the constant stabbing in my side.

The teacher finished, I told her what was going on. She went and discussed with the principle. I sent the kids home. Before I knew it I was following a Korean teacher down the street in 90-degree weather (with 70% humidity) towards a hospital.

By now I was practically crying. It hurt so much. I was 100 percent sure it was kidney stones. I had a case of them three years ago, and I knew nothing else could make me hurt this much.


Unless you have given childbirth with no pain killers or something, I guarantee you have never felt this pain.


I sat in the waiting room, fidgeting as I tried, with no success, to find a position that didn't pain me.  I was gasping loudly as the constant stabbing would suddenly increase in waves. I went back and forth to the bathroom to throw up. Old people stared. Young people held their children close.

Then it was my turn! Korean teacher translated for me. I told them it was kidney stones, and I knew it.

And, unlike American doctors, they believed me. They called a specialist, who actually came to the hospital and drove me to another hospital. But before that they asked if I would take a pain killer shot. I said yes. They stared at me. I held out my arm questioningly. They laughed and motioned for me to pull down my pants. I had flashbacks to my Kindergarten vaccinations.



The Korean teacher did not come with me to the specialist, so I was now on my own.


I was taken to a clinic called 'Menpower.' I felt ashamed at having a condition that is more common in men.

The doctors were very nice. They stuck and IV full of painkillers into me. The stabbing now felt like a cramp again. I was so happy.

They x-rayed me. Seriously - they just set me on a table and x-rayed me. No led vest or anything. That was interesting.

Did I mention nobody really spoke English here? It was very limited. But, since I now had painkillers, I wasn't as stressed, so it was actually kind of fun as we giggled through our caveman-English conversation.

A man-nurse said "You have kidney stone when?"
I said, "Um...this morning I felt the pain."
He said, "No, you go hospital before?"
"Before?"
"Yes."
"Before...a different kidney stone?"
"Yes."
I said, "Oh yeah, three years ago I had some."
He said "THREE YEARS?! No break???"
"Huh?"
"Doctor no break?"
"...no?"
"Oh. Well now very big."

At this point the nurses began showing me with their hands how big it was. I hoped they were exaggerating.

They were not.


As we waited for the doctor to get there, I called Korean Boy to have him explain the details to me. Turns out the kidney stone is so big that I can't...get rid of it normally. They said I must do several 'treatments' for it to be broken down enough, and it would cost about 200 dollars each time. I asked what the 'treatments' were, and he said 'shockwave.'

Thank you American doctor three years ago, for telling me that that little stone on my kidney wouldn't be a problem. Now I get to have 5+ sessions of shockwave therapy (I had no idea what that meant) and weeks of suffering to get rid of it.


The doctor came. I went to his office and sat down.

Doctor: "How are you?"
Me: "Better."
"Okay. You have kidney stone."
"Just one?"
"Yes. Two centimeters."
"TWO CENTIMETERS?!"
"Yes."
"...wow."
"We do shockwave."
"...okay?"
"It hurt. Don't move."
"...okay..."
"Okay?"
"Okay."
"Let's go."

I was then placed in a torture chamber. I was on a strange table with a hole cut out of it. In the hole was a magic orb that stuck to my sweaty back (it's really hot in Korea). Then they put headphones on me and left the room. A few minutes later, I heard "Ready?" through the headphones. I looked over and saw the doctor-dude at the window. I gave him thumbs up.

Then lightning struck my side.

I jumped out of my skin. Through the headphones I heard, "Okay? Don't move."

Then I got 'shockwaved' a million more times. I think it was every second and a half. I don't really understand, but every time it happened there was a loud sound, a bright flash, and a stinging pain in my side.

This went on for about 50 minutes.

The whole time the headphones played K-pop.


When it was over, I payed 265 thousand Korean won, made an appointment to do it again next week, and got my bag full of pain-killers.


And you know what? My one week of summer vacation is next week.

My life sucks.




I almost say I want to go home, but I know that in America I would be paying a lot more than 200 dollars. o.O